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All good things come to an end. And so, it is time to wrap up my work as a Concert Producer for Children and Youth at Malmö Live Concert Hall.

Since august 2023, I have overseen the productions for and with Children and Youth. This adds up to 18 productions containing 53 concerts in a year and a half. Out of these, 10 productions with 35 concerts have been with the full Malmö Symphony Orchestra; 2 productions (2 concerts) with Skånes Youth Symphony Orchestra SKUSO; 5 productions (10 concerts) with bands, yoga events or Baby Rhytmics, and 1 production (6 concerts) a tour with a brass quintet and percussion from the MSO. Puh!

It has been a whirlwind and an adventure full of creativity, dedication, meaning, challenges, lessons, play, joy, camaraderie, belonging, and so much music and amazing people!

I have had the honor to work with brilliant musicians, conductors, soloists, actors, directors, and collaborate with people with so much passion and heart.

I, too, have put my full heart into my productions, and as I reach the end of this chapter, it is hard to let my creative babies go. My head is still filled with so much data from this work; the scripts, the dates, the repertories, the instrumentation, the schedules, the budgets…

At present, I am doing my best to hang out with and welcome the unknown (that sucker keeps coming back for me). There is both grief, worry, spaciousness and excitement alive in me. Grief around the loss of belonging, identity, security, and an amazing creative work; worry about the unknown path ahead; spaciousness as I relax into the emptiness; and excitement for the new possibilities to come.

All good things come to an end. And so, it is time to wrap up my work as a Concert Producer for Children and Youth at Malmö Live Concert Hall.

Since august 2023, I have overseen the productions for and with Children and Youth. This adds up to 18 productions containing 53 concerts in a year and a half. Out of these, 10 productions with 35 concerts have been with the full Malmö Symphony Orchestra; 2 productions (2 concerts) with Skånes Youth Symphony Orchestra SKUSO; 5 productions (10 concerts) with bands, yoga events or Baby Rhytmics, and 1 production (6 concerts) a tour with a brass quintet and percussion from the MSO. Puh!

It has been a whirlwind and an adventure full of creativity, dedication, meaning, challenges, lessons, play, joy, camaraderie, belonging, and so much music and amazing people!

I have had the honor to work with brilliant musicians, conductors, soloists, actors, directors, and collaborate with people with so much passion and heart.

I, too, have put my full heart into my productions, and as I reach the end of this chapter, it is hard to let my creative babies go. My head is still filled with so much data from this work; the scripts, the dates, the repertories, the instrumentation, the schedules, the budgets…

At present, I am doing my best to hang out with and welcome the unknown (that sucker keeps coming back for me). There is both grief, worry, spaciousness and excitement alive in me. Grief around the loss of belonging, identity, security, and an amazing creative work; worry about the unknown path ahead; spaciousness as I relax into the emptiness; and excitement for the new possibilities to come.

It’s that time of the year again… when Spotify lets us know what has filled our ears and hearts for the past year.

All of You Is Welcome Here, the hippie tantric yogic super spiritual song, has continued to live a life of its own and conquer the world, all by itself.

I, on the other hand, have been watching the song’s ventures from afar, while pouring my heart into my work as a producer with the Malmö Symphony Orchestra. Now that chapter is coming to an end, and I’m slowly shifting my energy towards my own artistry again.

For the fun of it, I added my Spotify Wrapped as a listener on the last image – as you can see I’ve streamed my own music a lot 😂. In fact, listening to my music when I’m down can be pretty empowering, as it reminds me that I can do hard things.

Seeing my music find new audiences on Spotify is thrilling – it is crazy that so many people are listening to something I made.

Thank you so much for listening!

#indipendentartist #spotifywrapped

It’s that time of the year again… when Spotify lets us know what has filled our ears and hearts for the past year.

All of You Is Welcome Here, the hippie tantric yogic super spiritual song, has continued to live a life of its own and conquer the world, all by itself.

I, on the other hand, have been watching the song’s ventures from afar, while pouring my heart into my work as a producer with the Malmö Symphony Orchestra. Now that chapter is coming to an end, and I’m slowly shifting my energy towards my own artistry again.

For the fun of it, I added my Spotify Wrapped as a listener on the last image – as you can see I’ve streamed my own music a lot 😂. In fact, listening to my music when I’m down can be pretty empowering, as it reminds me that I can do hard things.

Seeing my music find new audiences on Spotify is thrilling – it is crazy that so many people are listening to something I made.

Thank you so much for listening!

#indipendentartist #spotifywrapped

Spotify wrapped is here!
🎵
If you know me, you probably know I have mixed feelings about Spotify (wonderful platform for music distribution, but lousy for paying artists).
🎶
However, this year I have really enjoyed watching my music find new audiences on Spotify, without me doing anything at all.
🎧
I am not a strong social media person, yet one song is living its own life out in the world, finding its way to new hearts.
🎻
Occasionally people write me about the impact of the music, which usually makes my day.
All of You is Welcome Here has accompanied child birth and been chosen for funerals, been used in ceremonial spaces, workshops, retreats, at road trips, and generally been a friend for people on their journey to holding all parts of themselves.
I also listen to it sometimes when I need a reminder that I am, indeed, good enough and welcome as I am.

A friend of mine asked Chat GPT to write ten more verses for the song, which apparently turned out very moving.

If my music has helped anyone feel less alone this year, I have accomplished my mission.

Keep listening, feeling, and sharing when it feels alive and true to you.

May we all remember to welcome a little more of ourselves, every day, and walk each other home.

And may I have the serenity to finally release new music in 2024, and have faith that you all will receive it when I do.

#spotifywrapped
#independentartist
#allofyouiswelcomehere

Spotify wrapped is here!
🎵
If you know me, you probably know I have mixed feelings about Spotify (wonderful platform for music distribution, but lousy for paying artists).
🎶
However, this year I have really enjoyed watching my music find new audiences on Spotify, without me doing anything at all.
🎧
I am not a strong social media person, yet one song is living its own life out in the world, finding its way to new hearts.
🎻
Occasionally people write me about the impact of the music, which usually makes my day.
All of You is Welcome Here has accompanied child birth and been chosen for funerals, been used in ceremonial spaces, workshops, retreats, at road trips, and generally been a friend for people on their journey to holding all parts of themselves.
I also listen to it sometimes when I need a reminder that I am, indeed, good enough and welcome as I am.

A friend of mine asked Chat GPT to write ten more verses for the song, which apparently turned out very moving.

If my music has helped anyone feel less alone this year, I have accomplished my mission.

Keep listening, feeling, and sharing when it feels alive and true to you.

May we all remember to welcome a little more of ourselves, every day, and walk each other home.

And may I have the serenity to finally release new music in 2024, and have faith that you all will receive it when I do.

#spotifywrapped
#independentartist
#allofyouiswelcomehere

It’s been over a year since you died. All this time, I have not managed to write about your death.

Maybe this is due to the complexity of suicide, the paralyzing shame and guilt that are part of its narrative.

But then again, I want to be a part of a culture that dares to talk about the most condemned, taboo subjects, so that we don’t have to struggle with these things alone. So, here are some thoughts on suicide.

In mourning you, the question of responsibility and accountability has become a core part of the grief process.

Were you responsible for killing yourself?

Or did, perhaps, your wounded parts take over and try to rescue you from your suffering?

Did your illness choose for you, or a part of you that desperately cared, that would do anything to put an end to your suffering? Including putting an end to you.

Many have told me that you alone were responsible for dying. Perhaps they say so to protect me from spiraling into guilt, as I try to accept and live with not having been able to save you.

It’s a popular phrase in spiritual contexts these days: “Everyone is responsible for their own experience.” “We are sovereign beings.” I believe it’s much more complex than that.

Some have said it’s the mental health care system’s fault, that the system failed you and is therefore responsible for your death.

The last time I saw you, you looked me in the eyes and said: “Sauve-moi.” Save me. I didn’t know what to say.

I am not sure, but it seems that I was the only one who knew how you were feeling at the end, or at least one of the few. Knowing that, it’s easy for the young parts in me to take on responsibility for not being able to save you.

In the past year, I have blamed you, myself, your parents, your friends, your co-workers, the health care system, the French culture, the Western culture, you name it. Everything my angry, hurt and powerless parts could use for the illusion of feeling less powerless.

Continued in comments.

It’s been over a year since you died. All this time, I have not managed to write about your death.

Maybe this is due to the complexity of suicide, the paralyzing shame and guilt that are part of its narrative.

But then again, I want to be a part of a culture that dares to talk about the most condemned, taboo subjects, so that we don’t have to struggle with these things alone. So, here are some thoughts on suicide.

In mourning you, the question of responsibility and accountability has become a core part of the grief process.

Were you responsible for killing yourself?

Or did, perhaps, your wounded parts take over and try to rescue you from your suffering?

Did your illness choose for you, or a part of you that desperately cared, that would do anything to put an end to your suffering? Including putting an end to you.

Many have told me that you alone were responsible for dying. Perhaps they say so to protect me from spiraling into guilt, as I try to accept and live with not having been able to save you.

It’s a popular phrase in spiritual contexts these days: “Everyone is responsible for their own experience.” “We are sovereign beings.” I believe it’s much more complex than that.

Some have said it’s the mental health care system’s fault, that the system failed you and is therefore responsible for your death.

The last time I saw you, you looked me in the eyes and said: “Sauve-moi.” Save me. I didn’t know what to say.

I am not sure, but it seems that I was the only one who knew how you were feeling at the end, or at least one of the few. Knowing that, it’s easy for the young parts in me to take on responsibility for not being able to save you.

In the past year, I have blamed you, myself, your parents, your friends, your co-workers, the health care system, the French culture, the Western culture, you name it. Everything my angry, hurt and powerless parts could use for the illusion of feeling less powerless.

Continued in comments.

Today I graduate from the Royal College of Music!
I’m full of sweet grief and joy!
🎼
During the past three years I have grown, evolved and learned so much about music, myself and creativity as a force. Here is a harvest from the musical Hogwarts:
🧙‍♀️
The first year was tough. I struggled with living in Sweden again (sooo dark, cold and long winters), with finding a home in the busy city of Stockholm. I was also grieving after the loss of a dear friend, and I had impostor syndrome and didn’t feel like I deserved my spot at the school. I judged myself as I was not the same kind of producer as my classmates – I was used to scoring for and recording real instruments, whereas my classmates were really skilled at using software instruments. On top of this, I had re-injured my knee the spring prior to my first semester, so I needed to use crutches on and off again after 8 years of being able to walk. It was quite a challenge to allow myself to be seen and known by new people as “a person with an injury” again. All in all, the first year was pretty rough.
•
The second year I somehow had figured out how to “hack” Stockholm, and the school and I started to get along. The fall was spent on exploring music making for interactive media, and on programming. In October I had knee surgery, which was in itself a big challenge.

Continued in comments.

Today I graduate from the Royal College of Music!
I’m full of sweet grief and joy!
🎼
During the past three years I have grown, evolved and learned so much about music, myself and creativity as a force. Here is a harvest from the musical Hogwarts:
🧙‍♀️
The first year was tough. I struggled with living in Sweden again (sooo dark, cold and long winters), with finding a home in the busy city of Stockholm. I was also grieving after the loss of a dear friend, and I had impostor syndrome and didn’t feel like I deserved my spot at the school. I judged myself as I was not the same kind of producer as my classmates – I was used to scoring for and recording real instruments, whereas my classmates were really skilled at using software instruments. On top of this, I had re-injured my knee the spring prior to my first semester, so I needed to use crutches on and off again after 8 years of being able to walk. It was quite a challenge to allow myself to be seen and known by new people as “a person with an injury” again. All in all, the first year was pretty rough.
•
The second year I somehow had figured out how to “hack” Stockholm, and the school and I started to get along. The fall was spent on exploring music making for interactive media, and on programming. In October I had knee surgery, which was in itself a big challenge.

Continued in comments.

Congratulations dear lovely Conny and Hanna!

May you keep shining, running, adventuring, travelling, and may love keep lighting up your path.

Thank you for the most glorious wedding!

@connymedk @hannaa_panna

#hannyido

Congratulations dear lovely Conny and Hanna!

May you keep shining, running, adventuring, travelling, and may love keep lighting up your path.

Thank you for the most glorious wedding!

@connymedk @hannaa_panna

#hannyido

It was a complete honor to sing at your wedding @connymedk and @hannaa_panna ❤️❤️❤️

#wedding #hannyido #lysekil #singer

It was a complete honor to sing at your wedding @connymedk and @hannaa_panna ❤️❤️❤️

#wedding #hannyido #lysekil #singer

50 000 streams!
•
I’m celebrating that All of You Is Welcome Here has been streamed more than 50 000 times. A part of me is rejoicing and dancing and feeling gratitude that I was able to channel something that turned out to be meaningful for a lot of people. Celebrating that I, in a moment, was able to embody that unconditional acceptance and bring it into sound so that others could feel it as well.
•
Writing this post, I am also faced with other parts of me. There are parts that really don’t want to be seen, and writing about my music on social media therefore comes with resistance. You may have noticed (or not) that I haven’t released anything since the All I Am album, and kind of disappeared from social media.
•
In part, that is due to my fatigue with the incessant self-promotion that is required to reach people with new music. Another reason is that studying at a conservatory means constantly being creative on demand. Even if I haven’t released anything, I have created A LOT. I have music that’s almost ready for release, but finishing it seems hard. And at some point, the creative well runs dry, and one needs to wait for rain.
•
I don’t know where Music and I will go from here, in our life-long relationship. There will be new releases, but I don’t know when. I’m longing to remove the pressure associated with music from myself and give myself permission to not create. One semester to go at the Royal College of Music… after that, I don’t know, but I’m probably waiting for rain.
•
https://open.spotify.com/track/53WyLfVhBRajlwkWWXK7TA?si=jzRTYa3RR0KhCo5E_JYkFA

50 000 streams!
•
I’m celebrating that All of You Is Welcome Here has been streamed more than 50 000 times. A part of me is rejoicing and dancing and feeling gratitude that I was able to channel something that turned out to be meaningful for a lot of people. Celebrating that I, in a moment, was able to embody that unconditional acceptance and bring it into sound so that others could feel it as well.
•
Writing this post, I am also faced with other parts of me. There are parts that really don’t want to be seen, and writing about my music on social media therefore comes with resistance. You may have noticed (or not) that I haven’t released anything since the All I Am album, and kind of disappeared from social media.
•
In part, that is due to my fatigue with the incessant self-promotion that is required to reach people with new music. Another reason is that studying at a conservatory means constantly being creative on demand. Even if I haven’t released anything, I have created A LOT. I have music that’s almost ready for release, but finishing it seems hard. And at some point, the creative well runs dry, and one needs to wait for rain.
•
I don’t know where Music and I will go from here, in our life-long relationship. There will be new releases, but I don’t know when. I’m longing to remove the pressure associated with music from myself and give myself permission to not create. One semester to go at the Royal College of Music… after that, I don’t know, but I’m probably waiting for rain.
•
https://open.spotify.com/track/53WyLfVhBRajlwkWWXK7TA?si=jzRTYa3RR0KhCo5E_JYkFA

Happy birthday to my beautiful new knee!
🦵🥳
My artsy picasso leg had its 12th (I think) surgery a year ago.
🦵
This merits some kind of Oscars-like thank you speech, so here goes:
🙏
A massive thank you to my doctor, whom I trust soooo much. If he had decided to retire when normal people do and not had such a burning passion for helping people, I believe my life and knee would look very different.
🩺
Another massive thank you to my physiotherapist, who just always knows what to do next and what not to do. I commute to Gothenburg to see her, which is a testament to how important her support and knowledge are to me.
🦵
A humongous thank you to my parents, Erik and Susanne Winberg. I would not have dared or been able to have surgery without your steady and loyal love, support and badass nursing skills.
👩‍⚕️👨‍⚕️
Thank you my dear friend @ida_helmers, who welcomed me in your home and helped me feel like a normal adult a few weeks after surgery, when I was starting to go slightly insane.
•
Thank you to my friends who were my emotional support group during the surgery. It helped me so much to know you were with me!
•
Thank you so much every friend who has carried something I couldn’t, without making a fuss about it.
•
Thank you to whoever the people were who donated their Achilles’ tendons after their death, which now live as ligaments in my knee.
🦵
Thank you Swedish health care, which give me access to free world class surgery. I received a bill of 300 SEK (about $30) after a five hour surgery and two nights in the hospital.
•
Thank you to me, who keeps sticking with physiotherapy, for what will be my 6th full year, and my 15th year with this injury. And also, for giving up and staying fuck it every now and then. It helps a lot.
•
I celebrate my body for healing again and again, until it can’t anymore. I am aware that my arthritis keeps getting worse, and that I don’t know where that will take me and my knee.
This both scares me, and serves as a reminder to really appreciate my legs and life now. I can walk, for fuck’s sake! It’s amazing!
•
It’s amazing!
•
Continued in comments.

Happy birthday to my beautiful new knee!
🦵🥳
My artsy picasso leg had its 12th (I think) surgery a year ago.
🦵
This merits some kind of Oscars-like thank you speech, so here goes:
🙏
A massive thank you to my doctor, whom I trust soooo much. If he had decided to retire when normal people do and not had such a burning passion for helping people, I believe my life and knee would look very different.
🩺
Another massive thank you to my physiotherapist, who just always knows what to do next and what not to do. I commute to Gothenburg to see her, which is a testament to how important her support and knowledge are to me.
🦵
A humongous thank you to my parents, Erik and Susanne Winberg. I would not have dared or been able to have surgery without your steady and loyal love, support and badass nursing skills.
👩‍⚕️👨‍⚕️
Thank you my dear friend @ida_helmers, who welcomed me in your home and helped me feel like a normal adult a few weeks after surgery, when I was starting to go slightly insane.
•
Thank you to my friends who were my emotional support group during the surgery. It helped me so much to know you were with me!
•
Thank you so much every friend who has carried something I couldn’t, without making a fuss about it.
•
Thank you to whoever the people were who donated their Achilles’ tendons after their death, which now live as ligaments in my knee.
🦵
Thank you Swedish health care, which give me access to free world class surgery. I received a bill of 300 SEK (about $30) after a five hour surgery and two nights in the hospital.
•
Thank you to me, who keeps sticking with physiotherapy, for what will be my 6th full year, and my 15th year with this injury. And also, for giving up and staying fuck it every now and then. It helps a lot.
•
I celebrate my body for healing again and again, until it can’t anymore. I am aware that my arthritis keeps getting worse, and that I don’t know where that will take me and my knee.
This both scares me, and serves as a reminder to really appreciate my legs and life now. I can walk, for fuck’s sake! It’s amazing!
•
It’s amazing!
•
Continued in comments.

Stockholm, you look good in your autumn suit.

Stockholm, you look good in your autumn suit.

I got to meet legendary Janne Schaffer, the very embodiment of music history.
•
He played a concert and told stories from his 50+ years as a musician, working with ABBA, who never let him play a guitar solo, and TOTO, whose members were studio musicians on Janne’s album before they formed their own band.
There was Bob Marley, who wrote the album that would lead to his break through in a small boiler room in a house in Stockholm while recording along with Janne Schaffer.
•
And of course, Janne has produced Ted Gärdestad (Swedish legend who never broke outside of Sweden).
There’s something really precious in meeting someone who worked with Ted, as I grew up with his music, and he always felt like a dear friend I never knew.
•
I asked Janne about “Satellit,” Ted’s song that won the Eurovision Song Contest 1979. The song begins with triplets played on piano combined a guitar riff, and they really resemble those of Hold the Line, which came out in 1978.
I had heard a rumor that Janne Schaffer was the reason for the similarity, and when I asked him, he replied:
•
“WelI, I wrote the arrangement,” [for Satellit] [after hanging out with the Porcaro brothers].
•
I was as star-struck as I’ll ever be.
•
#janneschaffer #abba #tedgärdestad

I got to meet legendary Janne Schaffer, the very embodiment of music history.
•
He played a concert and told stories from his 50+ years as a musician, working with ABBA, who never let him play a guitar solo, and TOTO, whose members were studio musicians on Janne’s album before they formed their own band.
There was Bob Marley, who wrote the album that would lead to his break through in a small boiler room in a house in Stockholm while recording along with Janne Schaffer.
•
And of course, Janne has produced Ted Gärdestad (Swedish legend who never broke outside of Sweden).
There’s something really precious in meeting someone who worked with Ted, as I grew up with his music, and he always felt like a dear friend I never knew.
•
I asked Janne about “Satellit,” Ted’s song that won the Eurovision Song Contest 1979. The song begins with triplets played on piano combined a guitar riff, and they really resemble those of Hold the Line, which came out in 1978.
I had heard a rumor that Janne Schaffer was the reason for the similarity, and when I asked him, he replied:
•
“WelI, I wrote the arrangement,” [for Satellit] [after hanging out with the Porcaro brothers].
•
I was as star-struck as I’ll ever be.
•
#janneschaffer #abba #tedgärdestad

The most beautiful baby girl in the world was born in December 21st. I am an aunt!
•
Just look at her! She is the most amazing being ever!
•
Ny i världen.
Vem är du lilla ljuvliga du?
Var har du varit fram tills nu?
Vem är du lilla älva?
•
Thank you @jwinberg and @carl.weman for bringing her to the world and for loving her to pieces. My heart has growing pains. Oh the ocean of love.

The most beautiful baby girl in the world was born in December 21st. I am an aunt!
•
Just look at her! She is the most amazing being ever!
•
Ny i världen.
Vem är du lilla ljuvliga du?
Var har du varit fram tills nu?
Vem är du lilla älva?
•
Thank you @jwinberg and @carl.weman for bringing her to the world and for loving her to pieces. My heart has growing pains. Oh the ocean of love.

Progress!
Ha!
•
Finally.
•
Able-bodied or not, life is goddamn beautiful.

Progress!
Ha!
•
Finally.
•
Able-bodied or not, life is goddamn beautiful.

Wow. Just wow.
•
A sense of awe in me. Like, who are these 1800 listeners? Do I know them?
•
Thank you for listening.
•
I have a whole bunch of recorded and unfinished songs that I’m intending to get to work on, and release next year.
I’m very excited to share them. And scared. As always, it’s both.
•
Cheers to a raging Spotify year!
•
#spotifywrapped #spotifywrapped2021

Wow. Just wow.
•
A sense of awe in me. Like, who are these 1800 listeners? Do I know them?
•
Thank you for listening.
•
I have a whole bunch of recorded and unfinished songs that I’m intending to get to work on, and release next year.
I’m very excited to share them. And scared. As always, it’s both.
•
Cheers to a raging Spotify year!
•
#spotifywrapped #spotifywrapped2021

One year ago All of You Is Welcome Here was released into the wild world of the internet.
🎵
Now it has almost 20 000 streams on Spotify. I could never have imagined that it would get to get such a reception, and I'm in awe of every person who listened and let this song touch and mean something to them.
🎵
I feel a lot of joy and excitement when people are listening, and at times I also feel really discouraged and sad about the music industry, (with Spotify paying artists on average $0.004 per stream), and I then question my own path, fearing I will never figure it out or be enough.
🎵
However, every now and then I receive a message where someone tells me the emotional impact the song has had in their lives, and hope, meaning and motivation return to me.
🎵
I even had some one tell me it has been played during a child birth! I mean, super wow! What an honor!
🎵
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for listening!
•
#allofyouiswelcomehere #anniversary #okayitwasyesterdaybutwhatever
#single

One year ago All of You Is Welcome Here was released into the wild world of the internet.
🎵
Now it has almost 20 000 streams on Spotify. I could never have imagined that it would get to get such a reception, and I'm in awe of every person who listened and let this song touch and mean something to them.
🎵
I feel a lot of joy and excitement when people are listening, and at times I also feel really discouraged and sad about the music industry, (with Spotify paying artists on average $0.004 per stream), and I then question my own path, fearing I will never figure it out or be enough.
🎵
However, every now and then I receive a message where someone tells me the emotional impact the song has had in their lives, and hope, meaning and motivation return to me.
🎵
I even had some one tell me it has been played during a child birth! I mean, super wow! What an honor!
🎵
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for listening!
•
#allofyouiswelcomehere #anniversary #okayitwasyesterdaybutwhatever
#single

I had knee surgery last week.
•
Why? I guess you’re wondering. Because I reinjured my knee a year and a half ago, when carrying soil for my potato patch, and acquired some new fresh injuries and worsened some old.
•
The surgery went well, I’m home, working on activating my muscles and getting rid of morphine, coming back to life again. The healing road ahead will be long and windy, which I know since this is my 12th knee surgery.
•
Since I have your attention, I’d like to take this moment to make a request regarding how I’d enjoy being met and addressed during this time.
•
You see, 99% of the time, when entering a room with a visible injury, people get kidnapped by their curiosity and replace a regular “Hello” or “How are you?” with: “What happened?”
•
Understandable. People have never seen such a weird brace thing before, and maybe also want to show their concern and acknowledge that I am indeed suddenly in a wheelchair or on crutches.
•
I, however, probably struggled to get wherever this conversation is taking place, and I’m probably in pain already. The last thing I’m longing for is to recount the traumatic events of the ski accident that redefined my life, especially since I’ve been asked that question about a gazillion times the five years following the accident, when my injury showed.
•
It’s kind of funny, the question can differ a little, and change in nuance with the culture I’m in, but it remains. Strangers also seem to think they have a right to know, and don’t hesitate to walk up and ask, if they’re not happy with just staring, which everyone else does.
•
In Ecuador, a truck stopped in the street, rolled down the window, and screamed: “Qué te pasó a la pierna?” (What happened to your leg?). Also, my least favorite variation of the question is: “What’s wrong with you?”
•
I find the pain of how I’m being met when I have a visible handicap to be harder to deal with than the handicap itself. When I get that question, I either mumble something inaudible, completely ignore it, or answer, knowing that my answer only has to do with wanting to serve the curiosity of the other person, which is exhausting in the long run.
•
Continued in comments.

I had knee surgery last week.
•
Why? I guess you’re wondering. Because I reinjured my knee a year and a half ago, when carrying soil for my potato patch, and acquired some new fresh injuries and worsened some old.
•
The surgery went well, I’m home, working on activating my muscles and getting rid of morphine, coming back to life again. The healing road ahead will be long and windy, which I know since this is my 12th knee surgery.
•
Since I have your attention, I’d like to take this moment to make a request regarding how I’d enjoy being met and addressed during this time.
•
You see, 99% of the time, when entering a room with a visible injury, people get kidnapped by their curiosity and replace a regular “Hello” or “How are you?” with: “What happened?”
•
Understandable. People have never seen such a weird brace thing before, and maybe also want to show their concern and acknowledge that I am indeed suddenly in a wheelchair or on crutches.
•
I, however, probably struggled to get wherever this conversation is taking place, and I’m probably in pain already. The last thing I’m longing for is to recount the traumatic events of the ski accident that redefined my life, especially since I’ve been asked that question about a gazillion times the five years following the accident, when my injury showed.
•
It’s kind of funny, the question can differ a little, and change in nuance with the culture I’m in, but it remains. Strangers also seem to think they have a right to know, and don’t hesitate to walk up and ask, if they’re not happy with just staring, which everyone else does.
•
In Ecuador, a truck stopped in the street, rolled down the window, and screamed: “Qué te pasó a la pierna?” (What happened to your leg?). Also, my least favorite variation of the question is: “What’s wrong with you?”
•
I find the pain of how I’m being met when I have a visible handicap to be harder to deal with than the handicap itself. When I get that question, I either mumble something inaudible, completely ignore it, or answer, knowing that my answer only has to do with wanting to serve the curiosity of the other person, which is exhausting in the long run.
•
Continued in comments.

I am the proud mom of a broccoli! 🥦
I have now killed it but watching it grow gave me a lot of joy.
#broccoli

I am the proud mom of a broccoli! 🥦
I have now killed it but watching it grow gave me a lot of joy.
#broccoli

Life in Southern France, on Pinky the flamingo. Stressful. 🦩

Life in Southern France, on Pinky the flamingo. Stressful. 🦩

I’m buzzing all over from getting to work with these incredible musicians in the studio today at KMH (my school).
🎷
The song “Your breathing gives meaning to mine” is in the making, and today my pop brass section arrangement was recorded by these fine musicians. (2 trumpets, tenor saxophone and trombone.)
🎺
When writing music, I often walk around with it for a long time, listening to it as it bounces around against the edges of my mind without making contact with the outside world. I enjoy this intimate phase with the music, it’s like I have a share a secret with spirit.
However, when my carefully composed notes finally find their way out of the most exquisitely played instruments, by musicians who make them sound way better than I imagined in my head, it is the most exhilarating feeling.
🎼
This song had already been out and about as my friend and classmate Elias took my scratch vocals and guitar + uke and ran it through his creative system and came up with a kick ass production with a ton of sounds I have no idea how to produce and that I never would have come up with on my own. I loved the production so much that I based my brass arrangement off of it. Oh what a magical thing, to mix get to mix my creativity with that of others.
🎧
Thank you universe for this beautiful creative life, for the creative force that keeps carrying us forward.
Also, thank you Sweden for making education free and accessible to everyone, and KMH for providing these kinds of opportunities.
(Believe it or not, but this was a school assignment. Sweden’s got some shit right.)
✨
I can’t wait to mix this!
•
#newmusic #brass #pop

I’m buzzing all over from getting to work with these incredible musicians in the studio today at KMH (my school).
🎷
The song “Your breathing gives meaning to mine” is in the making, and today my pop brass section arrangement was recorded by these fine musicians. (2 trumpets, tenor saxophone and trombone.)
🎺
When writing music, I often walk around with it for a long time, listening to it as it bounces around against the edges of my mind without making contact with the outside world. I enjoy this intimate phase with the music, it’s like I have a share a secret with spirit.
However, when my carefully composed notes finally find their way out of the most exquisitely played instruments, by musicians who make them sound way better than I imagined in my head, it is the most exhilarating feeling.
🎼
This song had already been out and about as my friend and classmate Elias took my scratch vocals and guitar + uke and ran it through his creative system and came up with a kick ass production with a ton of sounds I have no idea how to produce and that I never would have come up with on my own. I loved the production so much that I based my brass arrangement off of it. Oh what a magical thing, to mix get to mix my creativity with that of others.
🎧
Thank you universe for this beautiful creative life, for the creative force that keeps carrying us forward.
Also, thank you Sweden for making education free and accessible to everyone, and KMH for providing these kinds of opportunities.
(Believe it or not, but this was a school assignment. Sweden’s got some shit right.)
✨
I can’t wait to mix this!
•
#newmusic #brass #pop

Dirty thirty, they say.
•
This morning the second part of The Devil’s Crossing Music Video was shot in the woods.
•
There was some mud crawling, blood-spitting, and being tied to a tree involved.
•
My inner child is rejoicing.
I find it sooo liberating to express all these dark and gunky parts of me, and soooo much joy, playfulness and aliveness in turning it into art.
•
Grateful to be working with these wild ass humans @hamoontehrani and @elinperry. I especially enjoyed the bizarre experience of having a mud stylist in @elinperry.
•
Swipe all the way to the right for the full mud-experience.
•
•
•
#musicvideo #devil’scrossing #art #mud

Dirty thirty, they say.
•
This morning the second part of The Devil’s Crossing Music Video was shot in the woods.
•
There was some mud crawling, blood-spitting, and being tied to a tree involved.
•
My inner child is rejoicing.
I find it sooo liberating to express all these dark and gunky parts of me, and soooo much joy, playfulness and aliveness in turning it into art.
•
Grateful to be working with these wild ass humans @hamoontehrani and @elinperry. I especially enjoyed the bizarre experience of having a mud stylist in @elinperry.
•
Swipe all the way to the right for the full mud-experience.
•
•
•
#musicvideo #devil’scrossing #art #mud

I am completely overwhelmed by the ginormous shower of love I received yesterday on my birthday.
A huge thank you for calling me, writing me, appreciating me, for celebrating with me in person.
•
Hearing from you really means the world to me, and I love and miss so many of you!
Thank you for choosing to stay in my life throughout the years, for reaching out, for continuing to love me from afar.
I really enjoyed reading your comments on what I have done that has brought you joy, and I even more enjoyed discovering that many of them pointed to me simply being me. 🙏🏽
•
If I haven’t answered your message yet, know I will as soon as I’ve gotten some rest 🥳.
•
Here’s to thirty - a new decade, and a new perspective on not having a clue!
•
❤️❤️❤️❤️

I am completely overwhelmed by the ginormous shower of love I received yesterday on my birthday.
A huge thank you for calling me, writing me, appreciating me, for celebrating with me in person.
•
Hearing from you really means the world to me, and I love and miss so many of you!
Thank you for choosing to stay in my life throughout the years, for reaching out, for continuing to love me from afar.
I really enjoyed reading your comments on what I have done that has brought you joy, and I even more enjoyed discovering that many of them pointed to me simply being me. 🙏🏽
•
If I haven’t answered your message yet, know I will as soon as I’ve gotten some rest 🥳.
•
Here’s to thirty - a new decade, and a new perspective on not having a clue!
•
❤️❤️❤️❤️

”Happiness is a choice.”
•
My ass.
•
Anyone who has ever experienced clinical depression can attest to that it is not. There are levels of despair that don’t allow us to access any choice at all. And besides, if it was an accessible choice, why wouldn’t everyone be happy?
•
I agree that we can look for the good things in life, we can tune into our bodies and listen to what we need. There are plenty of empowering things to do in life.
•
There is also chemistry in the brain.
•
I’ve been there. Knowing I have all the tools, doing my yoga and breathing and goddamn meditation, and getting nowhere with my depression. Feeling even worse about myself because I failed to break the cycle of spinning self-loathing thoughts. I was in such a place when I wrote “The Devil’s Crossing.”
•
It’s a brave choice to ask for help. It’s a brave choice to choose to take antidepressants if you need them. It’s a brave choice to stay alive when you don’t want to.
•
If this is your reality, know that you’re not alone. I see you, I appreciate that you continue to live, I appreciate your bravery.
I appreciate that you exist, especially on days when you can’t get out of bed, and all you manage do is brush your teeth.
•
Also, I know this is a very touchy subject, and I am used to spiritual people who try to persuade me to get off my antidepressants and “cure” me. Such advice is kindly but firmly discouraged.
•
I will talk about depression and music with the amazing @jenpastiloff on Instagram live on Saturday, 9 pm GMT+1. I will also share some songs. Tune in to join!
🔥

🎥 @elinperry
•
•
•
#depression #mentalhealth #antidepressants #warrior

”Happiness is a choice.”
•
My ass.
•
Anyone who has ever experienced clinical depression can attest to that it is not. There are levels of despair that don’t allow us to access any choice at all. And besides, if it was an accessible choice, why wouldn’t everyone be happy?
•
I agree that we can look for the good things in life, we can tune into our bodies and listen to what we need. There are plenty of empowering things to do in life.
•
There is also chemistry in the brain.
•
I’ve been there. Knowing I have all the tools, doing my yoga and breathing and goddamn meditation, and getting nowhere with my depression. Feeling even worse about myself because I failed to break the cycle of spinning self-loathing thoughts. I was in such a place when I wrote “The Devil’s Crossing.”
•
It’s a brave choice to ask for help. It’s a brave choice to choose to take antidepressants if you need them. It’s a brave choice to stay alive when you don’t want to.
•
If this is your reality, know that you’re not alone. I see you, I appreciate that you continue to live, I appreciate your bravery.
I appreciate that you exist, especially on days when you can’t get out of bed, and all you manage do is brush your teeth.
•
Also, I know this is a very touchy subject, and I am used to spiritual people who try to persuade me to get off my antidepressants and “cure” me. Such advice is kindly but firmly discouraged.
•
I will talk about depression and music with the amazing @jenpastiloff on Instagram live on Saturday, 9 pm GMT+1. I will also share some songs. Tune in to join!
🔥

🎥 @elinperry
•
•
•
#depression #mentalhealth #antidepressants #warrior

A song about presence.

A song about presence.

Well, that was officially the most chaotic live stream in the history of live streams, and another lesson in surrender.
•
It took 4 tries before it worked.
I was stressed, sweaty, cursing at the computer, cried a few times when the internet cut off.
•
In the end, my beloved @ida_helmers stepped in and hosted a zoom room, which gave me a huge sense of being held and supported.
Then I finally relaxed, let go of wanting control the outcome - and the internet worked.
•
Internet has worked spotlessly for me here for the past weeks, and then decided to act out on the night of my release concert. Funny, universe.
•
Since I was involved in every part of the production process of the album, it became a fertile soil for my tendency for perfectionism and OCD. That is all about control, and a consequence of trauma. It is a younger part of me insisting that I am not lovable unless I do it perfectly. That I need to deserve love, by performing well.
•
Well, my little girl got a very healing experience by being held virtually by my glorious friends on zoom and on Facebook.
•
It was fun, it was connecting, and absolutely chaotic. I failed and I was still loved. What a glorious thing to rediscover.
•
AND of course I’m not giving up! There will be a new concert, with triple internet connection, and lots of tech wizards around. Thank you universe, I learned my lesson of surrender again. Now let me play.
•
•
•
#surrender #family #tribe #conert

Well, that was officially the most chaotic live stream in the history of live streams, and another lesson in surrender.
•
It took 4 tries before it worked.
I was stressed, sweaty, cursing at the computer, cried a few times when the internet cut off.
•
In the end, my beloved @ida_helmers stepped in and hosted a zoom room, which gave me a huge sense of being held and supported.
Then I finally relaxed, let go of wanting control the outcome - and the internet worked.
•
Internet has worked spotlessly for me here for the past weeks, and then decided to act out on the night of my release concert. Funny, universe.
•
Since I was involved in every part of the production process of the album, it became a fertile soil for my tendency for perfectionism and OCD. That is all about control, and a consequence of trauma. It is a younger part of me insisting that I am not lovable unless I do it perfectly. That I need to deserve love, by performing well.
•
Well, my little girl got a very healing experience by being held virtually by my glorious friends on zoom and on Facebook.
•
It was fun, it was connecting, and absolutely chaotic. I failed and I was still loved. What a glorious thing to rediscover.
•
AND of course I’m not giving up! There will be a new concert, with triple internet connection, and lots of tech wizards around. Thank you universe, I learned my lesson of surrender again. Now let me play.
•
•
•
#surrender #family #tribe #conert

Thank you for listening!
•
•
•
Link to Spotify in bio.
•
#alliam #newalbum #newmusic #release

Thank you for listening!
•
•
•
Link to Spotify in bio.
•
#alliam #newalbum #newmusic #release

I pray that it will accompany you in your joy and excitement as well, and soar above the clouds with you, dance with you, and rejoice being alive with you. I pray that it will inspire you to smile, sing, cry and express.
•
•
•
Link to Spotify in bio.
•
#alliam #newalbum #newmusic #release

I pray that it will accompany you in your joy and excitement as well, and soar above the clouds with you, dance with you, and rejoice being alive with you. I pray that it will inspire you to smile, sing, cry and express.
•
•
•
Link to Spotify in bio.
•
#alliam #newalbum #newmusic #release

In the cracks of your shell, in your bare humanness, I pray that it will meet you there. I pray that it will be like a soothing balm to your soul.
•
•
•
Link to Spotify in bio.
•
#alliam #newalbum #newmusic #release

In the cracks of your shell, in your bare humanness, I pray that it will meet you there. I pray that it will be like a soothing balm to your soul.
•
•
•
Link to Spotify in bio.
•
#alliam #newalbum #newmusic #release

That it will be with you in your hard days in confinement, quarantine, and in your deepest holes of brokenness and loneliness.
•
•
•
Link to Spotify in bio.
•
#alliam #release #newmusic #newalbum

That it will be with you in your hard days in confinement, quarantine, and in your deepest holes of brokenness and loneliness.
•
•
•
Link to Spotify in bio.
•
#alliam #release #newmusic #newalbum

I pray that this music will be your companion.
•
•
•
Link to Spotify in bio.
•
#alliam #newmusic #release #newalbum

I pray that this music will be your companion.
•
•
•
Link to Spotify in bio.
•
#alliam #newmusic #release #newalbum

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